There’s always that one person who can’t keep a gift a secret. In my family, I’m that person. (In my defense, I only hint around at what I got someone and make them try to guess, but apparently that still keeps me out of the loop when it comes to surprises for others.) Despite my ability to keep something to myself, I still love the process of gift-giving. Spending hours shopping for the perfect gift and finally finding it fills me with joy because I know the person receiving it is going to feel thought of, loved, and cared for when they open it. As much as I love giving gifts, I struggle accepting them, especially when it’s something I didn’t ask for.
Throughout my life I’ve only ever viewed my singleness as a trial to be endured, never a gift that was so graciously given to me. Being 22 and living every one of those years single has led me to believe things about myself and my relationship status that hurt me more than they helped me. I allowed society, my past, and all of my mistakes to define my life, and in turn “single” became more than just a relationship status, it became the title of a long list of labels I carried around everywhere I went.
No one will ever love you for you.
You’re not good enough.
You’ve made too many mistakes in your past.
No one will ever love you like that.
Nothing’s ever worked out before, why would it now?
Maybe you’ve heard the same whispers in your ears or maybe you’ve been told different ones, but they all have one thing in common: they’re lies from the enemy meant to limit our lives, distort our perspectives, and ruin our relationships. He knows where it hurts, and the more we think these things about ourselves and our singleness, the bigger foothold we give the enemy and the more he’ll push our open wounds.
Although there are days we may feel disappointed and frustrated because of our relationship status, it’s vital to remember our season of singleness is a gift from our Heavenly Father, not a trial meant to rip us apart. For many of us, this is only a season in our life. A time in which we can choose to fully devote ourselves to the Lord and not be anxious by the demands of marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:32) A season that gives us undistracted freedom to please Him, know Him, and find our purpose in Him. You see, who you are in your singleness doesn’t disappear when you enter a marriage. Knowing who you are in Christ and finding your identity in Him is the only foundation that will remain. You are complete because of Him, not because of someone else.
Just as it’s important to have the right perspective, knowing that Jesus calls our season of singleness a gift shows the true intentions of the Giver. (Matthew 19:11-12) He isn’t withholding your spouse just because He can, rather He’s working all things together for your good, His glory, and on His time. Rest in the promise that if He’s given you the desire in your heart to be married, He will fulfill that desire if you delight yourself in Him. (Psalm 37:4) You are loved, seen, chosen and made complete by the One who gave His life to save you. Fight for your identity because it rests in Him and Him alone, and cast out any thought or fear that tells you otherwise. Your season of singleness is a gift given by the ultimate Giver, and every good and perfect gift is from above. (James 1:17)