One thing that I am in the process of learning, is that my understanding is small. It is little, tiny, and almost none in comparison to God and his knowledge. I like to think that I have my life planned out. After I get out of college, I will go here and I will do this. One thing I have come to realize is that my plan is not God’s. He sees and understands more than I ever will. Whenever I take the time to plan my whole life out, it probably makes the Lord laugh, because when have I ever known more than God? I have learned to live life very fluidly, very flexibly, and very dependent on the Lord. My plan might be one thing but God’s will might be another; in the end, His plans are always greater than mine.

Proverbs 19:21 - “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” 

It can be really difficult to surrender our plans and our lives to the Lord, especially when we have a whole list of things that we want to do and we have specific timelines for when we want to do them. Surrendering our lives to Him doesn’t mean we won’t get to do the things we want to do, it just may mean that we don’t push our agendas more than His plans. There have been things that I have wanted so badly in life, I would have done anything for them. There were certain times in particular that I thought I knew better than God. I knew what would make me happy or so I thought. I later found out that God calling me to wait or change direction was the best result possible. In the moment, I wanted to kick and scream and take what I wanted; however, I had to trust that God knew better than I did. His plan is always greater than mine.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
I want to encourage you today to really rely on the Lord. He may call us to do things that feel different, or out of our comfort zones. In the end, His understanding is always greater than ours, and His knowledge is beyond what we could ever imagine.

Psalm 103:12 “..as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”

Hebrews 8:12 “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”

What if they knew you so well that they could anticipate your needs before you even recognized you had them? 

Matthew 6:8 “Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

What if they never asked for the favor to be returned?

Hosea 6:6 “For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.”

What if when you went through a phase of silence, they just waited for you to call? 

Luke 15:13-24 13“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living…. “17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”

What if this friend was the type of person that even in the moments that you were most resistant to guidance, you trusted their instinct so profoundly, you knew you could count on the words they poured into you? 

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I’m excited to remind you that we all have a friend like this. His name is Jesus. There are times when we struggle to attend church, read our bibles, or thank God for all He’s given us. When I think of how God loves us, I am amazed at how patient, forgiving, and merciful He is. I would jump at the opportunity to have an earthly friend as I described above, yet sometimes I fail to be thankful for my Heavenly Father, who is all of these things and then some. 

Psalm 40 1-3 “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”

Thank you, Jesus, for always showing me grace and being the friend that only You could be. 

If you’re anything like me, you could fill in a million things that go along with that definition. I doubt myself; at times, I have little to no confidence in others, and as hard as it can be to admit, I often question God’s plan for me. I talked to my sister last year about how hard it can be to trust other people and feel confident that others’ have a genuine desire to get to know me and how lonely that doubt can make me feel. She proceeded to tell me that Jesus is the only one who will ever truly know me, understand me, and never disappoint me. It seems so simple, but when I’m spiraling with self-doubt, intrusive thoughts, and just pure disappointment, sadly, my first response isn’t to acknowledge that I have a savior that knows me, loves me, and will never disappoint or leave me. As young adults, I’d like to think doubt is familiar for everyone. During this season of life, with all the decisions I’ve made regarding college, who to date, the jobs I’ve taken, and the friends to choose, I’ve found that the only thing that helps me is reminding myself that the only tangible thing in this life is our relationship with God. Remembering that no matter how much I doubt or fear failure, the best thing I can do is bring those concerns to the Lord and sit in His presence. I’m still learning, but the more I practice it, the more I learn to trust that even if every person I meet on this side of heaven disappoints me,  if I fail every test in college and never graduate, or whatever catastrophe I conjure comes to pass, that I can always find peace by sitting with the one who loves me more than anybody ever could. It’s a pretty great feeling to know that you can find all the rest and peace of mind in the arms of Jesus, and all we have to do is call out to Him. 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.” John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

So if you struggle with doubt or anxiety, I encourage you the same way I have to remind myself daily to lean into His presence and just be held by the peace that only He can provide.

 Over a year later, how would you say you feel now? I still can’t say I‘m elated that my mission trip to Nicaragua was canceled or ecstatic that I was sent home from college; however, I can say that amid the difficulty, the Lord continued to fill me with joy.

Walking through the chaos that broke out, I was confused (as most were), and I didn’t know what was to come. Now that I look back, I have a new perspective. At first, I was bitter, now I am thankful. I was hurt, now I am healed. I was sad and lonely, now I am joyous and filled with peace. I had to learn that it isn’t about changing the circumstances (especially those out of our control); it is simply about learning to dance in the rain. 

It is inevitable that circumstances will arise in our lifetimes that we do not like and cannot change. We can either choose to be upset about it, or we can learn to find beauty in it. It may rain outside when we were planning on sunshine, but in the end, the attitudes we have about it are up to us. We could stay inside all day, staring out the window, wishing we could be outside, or we could get up, get out, and go dance in the rain. 

Psalm 16:11 says, “You (God) make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

In His presence, there is fullness of joy. He renews us and fills us with peace as we battle through the difficulties life throws at us. He is the beauty throughout our hard days. He is the reason we dance and sing.

Our joy should not be dependent on the condition of the world or the events happening around us. Our joy comes from the Lord and can be found when we trust in Him and live by His word. He sees what we cannot, and He knows what is to come before we ever walk through it. 

No matter the sunshine or the rain, I want to encourage you to find joy throughout the day. Some days are especially hard, and everything seems to go wrong. Even then, it is important to find the beauty and the light in each day. We have to hold onto the Lord’s word and His goodness through the joy and the pain. As Nahum 1:7 says, “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows who takes refuge in Him.”

   The most common complaint among my peers is the frustrations we have with work whether it be a job or spiritual work. It’s part of being human; generosity and hard work is part of what gives us purpose. As followers of God we are often called to sacrifice sometimes more than we have. However God doesn't call us to work so hard that we lose desire to do anything. Nowhere does the bible equate our worth or identity to how much we work. “And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while. For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.” Mark 6:31. To me it’s obvious that we’re called to rest and to lean on the Lord for support, that’s a big part of our relationship with God. We need to allow God the chance to fill us with love and give us the rest we need in order to pour into others. If we deny that rest and love he wants to give us, we lose sleep, often taking on more things than we can handle by neglecting our own needs we’re failing to see the correct plan God has set out for us.”Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28-30.

   Relying on God can look different for everyone. For some it might mean being more intentional with self care. Exercise, sleeping regularly, making time for a book, spending time with friends, or giving yourself the chance to be alone. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy spirit within you, you are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” Corinthians 6:19-20. It’s important to enjoy the things that God gave us with the purpose of enriching and teaching us. Others might need to get rid of things that have been deemed more important than God. For some it’s simply learning to say no in order to avoid any kind of burnout. When we rely on God more, we’re trusting him to make a straight path for us without our opinion on what we think is best. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

   We heal from burnout by accepting God’s rest, and we can avoid burnout by keeping in the know with God. That means talking to him about our schedules and asking him to lead . We can do what he calls us to do but only within his boundaries. We should accept his love for it’s because of his love that he gave his only son, Jesus Christ. We should accept help from others because God calls us to bear one another's burdens in the name of community. We should accept his rest because it’s such a wonderful gift given to us by a gracious and caring savior.

      We’ve all dealt with this to some extent whether big or small. Shame, guilt, and furthermore, inadequacy are some of the biggest hindrances I have seen in this life. Why is this? I believe it’s because there is a part of our human nature that strives for perfection. But at the same time, there is another part that believes when we mess up, our value is diminished. A few quick truths: There will never be a time in your life when you reach perfection. There will never be a time when you don’t mess up even if in a small way. You will deal with sin for the rest of your earthly life. You need Jesus’ grace to handle a problem like this.

      It can be so hard to wrap our small little stubborn minds around but grasp this: Jesus didn’t die on the cross because we deserved it. There is nothing in this life that we can do to earn the Love and Grace of Jesus. (See Zechariah 4:6.) We are all messed up. None of us is worthy . The good news is that Jesus carried every one of our burdens to the Cross that faithful day because He loves us.

      So dear friend, hold onto that today. If you are struggling with guilt just know you are not the first nor the last to fall short of the Glory of God. Just give it to Jesus. Don’t let the guilt of the past hold you back any longer. He is ready and waiting with open arms to help you carry that load.

1. Although not released this year, Zach Williams' song, “Fear is a Liar,” is what I considered my soundtrack. Subsequently, Matthew 6:25 -27 has found its way written on my bathroom mirror and plenty of sticky notes throughout the year. 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

2. 2 Timothy 1: 7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind.” How powerful is that? That tells me, not only is worrying not going to get me anywhere, it‘s simply not from God. God does not give us a Spirit of Fear. If it’s not from God, it’s worth letting go, is it not? From someone who struggles with fear and doubt, repeating the key phrases of those verses, and reminding myself daily of God’s love for me, I made it through the most anxious times of the past year. My only new year resolution is to move past the difficulties of 2020 and continue to cling to the truths God has revealed while striving to be a woman not burdened by a spirit of fear.